


Panic

by DestinyLeane



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 11:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21161003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyLeane/pseuds/DestinyLeane
Summary: Spinel has a panic attack for the first time and it sucks





	Panic

Steven meandered alongside Connie and Spinel as the three of them made their way toward the boardwalk carnival, observing the summer crowd as they filed their way around the horde of gems and people who had already been enjoying themselves. 

"It's pretty crowded today, I guess school got out?" Steven remarked, twisting to the side to avoid a passerby with no respect for personal space. 

"Yeah, honestly I would have preferred to come later so we'd be more alone." Connie replied, making a train behind him as they sifted through the masses.   
Spinel was relatively quiet, her eyes glued to the ground as she made effort to step over the cracks and crags that weeds and grass had created under the pavement.   
She didn't like this.   
She didn't like it at all, the crowd, the grass, she'd been alone so long, too many people made her sick. 

In a weird way, a way that made her insides ache and she felt like something was wrong, like she was about to be shattered at any moment. But she stayed quiet, slowly growing more pale as the seconds ticked by. 

"Something's wrong." She breathed softly, the hurt inside beginning to consume her. Her head shot up, and she jerked it around, searching for her friends. Where was Steven? Where was Connie? Was she alone now? 

"Steven?!" She gasped, not noticing that they walked behind her now. "Connie?! I can't- Something's wrong!" 

She swiveled around, facing the two of them, her fear stricken face startling the two of them. 

"Spinel, is everything okay?" Steven asked, stopping as she turned, the pink gem gripped her hair tightly, making small moans as her eyes darted from place to place. 

"Something's wrong! Something-" she couldn't breathe, so she began heaving in quick short gasps in effort to fill the aching void. It hurt, it hurt a lot, more than she could handle and she didn't know what it was, what was wrong. 

Her hands pulled tighter on her hair until Connie could hear the strands twisting and breaking.   
The pink gem began pacing, moving her hands to her gem, then her head, and back down as she tried to find the cause of the hurt. 

"Spinel, it's okay-" 

"No! I can't- I don't know, I don't like this! I can't do this, I can't-" she sucked in a ragged breath lowering herself into a huddled crouch as she shook in confused horror. 

Connie moved first, crouching down next to her, and softly rubbing her back as she trembled, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay." She chanted softly, Steven followed, still shaken from the gem's sudden panic.

"Spinel, what's wrong-" 

"D-don't know." She stammered through her shaky breaths.  
Connie looked up at him, nodding for him to crouch on the gem's other side.

"I think it's a panic attack? I read about them in psychology class." She answered quietly, hoping Spinel didn't hear, lest she delve deeper into her concerns.   
Steven nodded, looking back at Spinel who continued her exasperated attempts at breathing, the small hics growing in intensity followed by torrents of seizure like trembling.   
He had never seen her so scared, and he didn't know what to do, except try to console her in some fashion. 

Suddenly Spinel fell still, her breathing becoming more even, it was as if all her terror had dissapated in one instance, the crowd around them seemed to stop and circle, staring at the event as though it were it's own attraction. Spinel slowly lifted her head, allowing Steven and Connie to see the dullness in her eyes. There were still a few spare tremors, but she was almost entirely relaxed. In a disconcertingly monotone voice, she finally spoke.

"I'm done." 

Then she stood, numbly pressing her fingers to her gem as if the short yet everlasting suffering had emanated from it. 

"I'm gonna go home now." 

Steven was flabbergasted, the calmness in her voice seemed far too surreal in comparison to her frantic gasping and weeping just a few seconds prior. He glanced at Connie, hoping she could provide some semblance of understanding for him. She only nodded and determinedly followed the gem out of the crowd toward the beach house. 

Spinel was reeling, despite the nothingness she felt, she was exhausted, like every ounce of energy had been ripped away from her in only a few minutes. She didn't want to do anything anymore, or be around anyone, even her steps were slow and heavy as she lifelessly trailed toward the beach house. She was tired, a type of tired she had never felt before, and she didn't want anyone seeing that but for some reason she couldn't help but know they did. 

Steven bid Connie goodbye after a quiet talk in his room, she helped him wrap his mind around what had happened, what the 'wrong' was.   
He felt terrible, that he had no idea what to do, no idea how to help his friend.   
And he felt worse, seeing her so terrified for no reason at all it seemed.   
So after Connie left him, and all the gems were in their rooms, he went to speak to the pink gem. 

She sat on the couch, her arms wrapped around her in a makeshift blanket, staring off at nothing, her head slightly turned as he sat down next to her, but she didn't speak, or even intend to start any type of conversation.   
He could see the tear trails still on her face, and the bags under her eyes her darker than they had been.   
She was weary, and tired, and confused and he knew it. 

"I don't know what happened." She spoke softly, and her voice creaked like she hadn't spoken in years. Steven looked at the floor, unsure if it was his turn to speak. 

"It was like..a hole," she continued, "in my chest and it just kept hurting- getting bigger." Spinel shrank further inter her arm blanket at the unsettling recollection. 

"I don't ever want to feel that way again." 

Steven didn't know how to console her, he didn't know what to say, what to do. She needed him and he couldn't think of anything that would ease her, or somehow bring back the color in her eyes.   
It was frightening, honestly, the way she acted now, it was worse than her panic and fear.   
It was like she was empty. Devoid of feeling and he hated it. He wanted her back. 

"It's gonna be okay," he tried, but she didn't react to his words, aside from her eyes slowly moving to see him. 

"You can always come to me if it happens again." He tried again, hoping to garner more of a reaction from her. It worked, somewhat.   
The pink gem leaned on him, resting her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and sinking further into him.   
She was quiet, and the conversation was over, Steven knew that.   
He didn't need or want for it to continue, because he was scared he wouldn't help her.   
He was comfortable being her shoulder to lean on. He decided, then, that he never wanted to see her so scared or so empty ever again. He decided he would help her. And things would be okay.


End file.
